This morning a thought/question crossed my mind that led me to rehash my behavior these past couple weeks and assess a few personality traits to come to a conclusion to appease the thought/question nagging at my brain.
The thought/question: I am the skank redneck neighbor? (think of Ron Burgundy's "I'm Ron Burgundy?") (Not "am I", did that on purpose mind you)
The Answer: Most signs are sadly pointing to YES.
What triggered this in the first place? Well it came to me this morning, as I ran outside to my mother's car (she was dropping off my mail) in a flimsy pink shirt, No bra, and leopard print hot pants (shorty short shorts I only wear as jammies/under dance wear). I was also wearing men's flip flops and my hair was in a flippy clip that took the place of the scrunchy back in 95 and as I went out the door, the dog got out and I had to chase her down in the yard (no bra) to get her back inside the house. It occurred to me that this was almost an exact repeat of what happened yesterday, when my mom dropped off some other piece of mail; except I was wearing a blue shirt, still no bra, and another pair of some kind of very short fuzzy material and I had to chase the dog all the way across the street before I caught her.
Cut to Monday-Feeling kind of down and stressed out from work, I made a hasty date with some Rum that's been sitting in the fridge, all alooone, for a while now. Alas, I only had tea and Kool aid (sp?) and I really am not that much of an alcoholic to where I'm able to drink it straight. I tried the tea first-Do NOT ever mix tea with rum. Sorry Koolaid, should've known it would be you-And honestly, coconut rum+pink lemonade= not that bad when you're wanting to catch a buzz. So I'm in the backyard, holding my pink concoction, in black work pants and barefoot, again chasing after the dog. Leto comes over and I now have Dr. Pepper to mix with rum, yay! Very fun night btw. Lol.
Rewind back to the beginning of last week-I'm out in the backyard again, Bud Light cans lined up on a bench (I wasn't about to waste energy going in and out of the house to pick up more/throw away empties, plus I was trying to get rid of leftover beer, sue me) and doing my best birdie warble impression to Fonnie.
Now taking a look at every morning for the past month, I go out into the backyard in short shorts, tank tops, and bedroom shoes (really my only other form of footwear beside flops) no bra, no robe, no form of decency.
Now you might be saying to yourself-Well she's just a whorey dresser. But I digress for I am southern, I do enjoy sweet tea, cornbread, trucks and I can drink any kind of beer and enjoy myself, so i believe redneck comes into the picture-Overgrown lawn, beer cans, etc.
Examining the evidence though, most of my behavior stems from innate laziness....So i'm wondering is that what causes the redneck behavior? Are rednecks just lazy people? or is Redneck synonymous with Lazy? But that can't be so because a lot of rednecks are also hard workers....
Given the neighborhood I live in, I'm honestly not that worried about being pegged a redneck skank. That would be higher up on the totem pole than most. But if I ever moved, I might have to tweak my approach to morning apparel.
On a totally different note-
I broke my favorite measuring cup, Favorite meaning the only 1 cup measuring cup I have. I was making Koolaid(ah hah.) and i dipped the cup into the sugar and the little handle broke off in my hand. WTH? Now instead of buying a new one, I shall use this cup and be reminded that using mangled cookware may work against my shedding of the Redneck skank title.
Anyway, I'm off to go eat Hardees for breakfast, Sweet Tea instead of Orange Juice please.
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Laughing my butt off. I can picture you in all your skanky glory :) Sadly, I think that I, too, would be qualified as a Redneck skank. Although, thank heavens, we have a field in between us and our neighbors. (This is not so great during the summer when the field hands are scurrying about…I’ve given improper welcomes to many, many of them—welcomes that included me in a towel or me in very skimpy attire trying to sunbathe). Truthfully, though, you are not alone. I loved this one KW, it put a smile on my face on a day that I needed it :)
ReplyDeleteI'm afraid I'd be right with ya, girls. As a matter of fact, I realized just how bad it was when the hubby was staring at me last night with his "wth " face.
ReplyDeleteMy hair was up in a clip..where I'd just washed it, brushed it and put it up and let it dry all half curly -half straight and I was wearing my grey tank top with a couple of teeny holes in it and a few stains where I was wearing it the last time I dyed my hair..and it's a little stretched out.
And the pj bottoms that are supposed to be capri's, but I'm short and they're pants. They're the ones he calls clown pants. They are pink, purple, yellow, blue and green striped and I JUST noticed they have bleach stains on the knees...where I cleaned the bathtub wearing them. I swear I didn't realize it was THAT bad until I caught him giving me that look and I had to see just what his problem was. I'm a redneck skank. CURSES!
I bet he SURE is glad he married ME!!
this is one of the funniest things ive read in a while, krittle. thanks for posting your link on fb :D
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