Monday, April 26, 2010

Like clockwork...

So the night that we get back home from vacay-I wake up early in the a.m. like I've been doing for, oh the past two months? Why can't I get a full, decent sleep in this house??

Our trip was fantastic! So happy Aleta takes me along and puts up with me through out the whole thing ["Are you asleep?!!" ;)] and we get to spend quality time together [I love this song! I love this song! Hey I...LOVE THIS SONG!] Seeing old faces (some of them think we're nuts...that's ok.) and making new acquaintances (sure they all think we're nuts too), trying new restaurants (I don't see anything I want-Ok, let's just leave then) and visiting old haunts (there were people in that building...Ohhh)-with the small exception of our smokey towels and fishy refrigerator, everything was great! Chana-I tried looking for Robin Williams-look a like, but by the time I knew they were in town, we were already headed out. Lol. Don't really know what I would say to them anyway-Hi I'm Krystle, I know the Paxtons!!! Aaaaand that's about it. Nice meeting you!

Anyways, good times. Now back to reality and decisions that involve more than picking out a restaurant or trying to think of which beach to go to. Some changes are coming up. It's going to be an interesting summer....

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

What I Learned in 2009

It's a little late but I really wanted to do a little blog about all the funny/sad/embarrassing experiences/moments that happened in good ol' '09. Some names might've been changed for privacy, others haven't-for comedic effect. Ah ha. ha. ha.

So here it goes.

The things that I learned in 2009:

-Parrot Bay, Kool-Aid, and Lady Ga Ga can make any weeknight extraordinary.

-You can go Into The Woods and come out with some life long friendships.

-Chana should never do the Thriller, while wearing glasses, while on a boat. (love ya buddy)

-You can freak a person out by inviting them to watch a football game at your house, only to realize you didn't have the channel that the game was on after they're already there.

-You can fool specific types of people into actually thinking that two girls are named exactly the same way. W/ the same address...w/ the same driver's license information. Total coincidence.

-Planning to throw a fertility party (or having friends plan it) can actually be all you need in order to get pregnant.

-Speaking of pregnancy, trips to carabelle should come with a warning label for my friends: "Beware friends that we left at home, you may find out good news while we are gone."

-Speaking of Carabelle; Never use words that are considered the bar---i.e.- Myself: "It's emasculating" Patron:"DON'T YOU CUSS ME!!"

-Sometimes what seems good on paper and as an idea, will not work out that well in real life. Roommates, puppies, moving furniture by yourself, etc.

-Unfair things happen to the best people. (this was already known, but saw a lot of repetition in 2009)

-Old friendships can be re-built :0)

-Sometimes safe words don't work (BANANA!)...sometimes you have no idea what a safe word is really supposed to do anyway in certain situations...

-You can break a "presumed "player"'s heart.

-New people can introduce you to new music (It's all about the Booty)

-Don't ever use the word "Pun" around 'good ol' country boys'. They won't understand and they will make fun of you.

-Sometimes something you really wanted doesn't work out-- and later on down the road, you come into another situation that makes you realize that everyone who was involved is better off because it didn't.

-Patty Melts are easy to make :0)

-Our parents/religion/school were right...."why to stay abstinent..."

-You can put a metal bowl in my microwave. (not that I'd chance it twice...just didn't blow up...)

-If you play a famous character, some people(the store UPS guy) will give you a lifelong nickname.

-Networking (whether it's done on purpose or not) is a huge part of my life (even though I hate to admit it and I hate to feel like my job defines me. Blegh.)

^^that's another thing I've learned haha.

-When you have little ones, Bells on the doors are a necessity. (Don't want them playing in the streets! ie LM)

-You cannot close off your heart and you can't build impenetrable walls around yourself. Someone will get in. It's inevitable.

-That being said^ Heartache is inevitable as well, But that's life, and that's ok.

-Nothing ever stays the same for very long.

-You can never have too many friends. They keep you sane, they keep you laughing... one of the most enjoyable things in life is friendship.

-My mother has become my confidant....I never saw that one coming!

-Foot tattoos really, really hurt.

-I can't change the past, but I can enjoy the present and look forward to the future.

There's so much more I could write about, but I'd like to keep it short. Seeing that the year flew by anyway, I think that's kind of appropriate :0)

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Let me tell you about the other fish...

So Leto and I were talking today and our conversation landed on that famous phrase one gives to another when experiencing a love lost or some similar variation. "Well, there are plenty of other fish in the sea."

This is my blog to the world about those other fishes.

In life's aquarium, there are many, many different kinds of fish. Scoop a pile of them up in your little net and let me tell you what you are bound to have caught:

The Taken Fish --Whether he has a girlfriend, fiance, wife, etc. This fish is not going in your cooler. In fact, he is a sly, cunning creature because somehow he ended up in your net when he was actually caught by someone else weeks, months, even years ago! Even if you tried somehow to take him home, you would inevitably be caught by a Game Warden and on top of giving up the fish, be forced to pay a fine.

The Father Fish --Careful, there may be a school of little guppies just waiting underneath your boat. You admire your catch and then look down and see that you're surrounded. Oh you may want your own cutsie little ones but that seems like years down the road and you don't even have an aquarium at home!

The Fish with NO JOB/CAR --This one is self-explanatory.

The Jerk Fish (also called Dick or Ass) --Oh he's cool. He's the hottest, baddest fish in the frickin' sea. He's also the one you see on those posters that show Ocean Hierarchy-he's the one with that little light thing on his head, tricking the other tinier fishes into hanging out long enough to DEVOUR them. He may look pretty good on a motorcycle, but chances are he's not going to be a fish that will treat you well. Not even if you get him the cool treasure chest to go in his tank.

The Addicted Fish --These guys are the ones that you wish you could help because they have PROBLEMS. There are many types of addicted fish. The Cocaine fish, the Alcoholic fish, the MJ fish, the list goes on. IF caught, the addicted fish will be a faithful and loving fish, but they aren't going to give anything up just because you want them to.

The Player Fish --This fish will hang around your boat for a while and then swim off to check out the yacht a mile away. These fish never stay on the hook long enough for you to reel them in.

I could go on about others that I haven't covered, but I hope that you catch my drift (ah ha. Pun)

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

My Problems with Crazy Women.

I woke up this morning with a question:

Why, Oh why, does it seem like the crazy bitches of the world always have a man, who is usually decent more often than not- when us sane gals can't find a nice, responsible human being to save our lives?

I have pondered this many a times, but it's really starting to bug me. I wonder...what are the techniques of the crazy bitch? How do they manage to ensnare the unsuspecting male into their web of crazy and unstable?

Do they act nice and normal at first, and then do some kind of bewildering exercise to make sure the man doesn't want to leave for any reason, even after she stops the facade of being Betty Normal? "I'm leaving you"-Oh you'll never get The Crazy Crab Shuffle if you do!-"Curses, I must stay!!"

Do they take a valuable possession of the man during the initial courting and then hold it hostage when they say they want out?? "I can't stand you anymore!"-Do you ever want to see your [insert baseball card collection, autographed poster of so & so, anything father handed down, etc] again?? "Curses, I must stay until I finagle a way to get it out of your clutches!" Of course they obviously never find a way or forget about it until the next time they get upset and want to leave.

Is it that they tire of losing arguments and just want to win one before they leave? Because this will NEVER happen. You cannot argue and win with a crazy person BECAUSE THEY'RE CRAZY. It took me a long time to learn this, because I love to win an argument. It's hard to get over, I know this. I could talk myself blue in the face and be absolutely right in every aspect of the fight-still, the crazy bags of the world could talk themselves bluer, re-arrange every word spoken back and somehow in their crazy heads, make sense of their point. It's a phenomenon and only a great scholar...or maybe a hostage negotiator could figure out how to win when arguing with a crazy bitch. It ain't happening with us normal folk.
"I'm fed up, you're not making any sense, I'm leaving!"-Oh yeah, well maybe the sense you know isn't the sense that I'm familiar with and making it perfectly right now, at this moment in time in a different Universe!-"HUH??, Curses I must stay until I win this!!!"

Sometimes I think...maybe I should turn into a crazy bitch, because it seems like it's working for all those other crazy bitches out there.
But then I don't think I could stand myself or the crazy bitches I would start hanging out with, because I know my current friends would disown me if I ever started displaying Re-Re behavior. And honestly, I'm sure the guys aren't that happy and for whatever reason they stay with these ..ahh..people...has to be an interesting one...or maybe it's because these men have no backbone, maybe it's because they're too CS to leave. In that case, who would want a guy like that?...A crazy bitch.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

We know they won't win...

So it's been a while...

And not much has changed. Just been having fun with the girls on various random outings-Lunch here, dinner there- I'm so thankful for all my friends, without them who knows how much more sanity I would lose.

In light of recent events, I do want to ponder some questions that are floating around in my head.

When people try to hurt you, why do they want to bring in your family? Isn't there enough drama between two people as it is, without trying to add insult to someones relatives and friends? And when certain things are said-were they thinking that all along, just overlooking it to be with you? If there were issues with your lifestyle before, then why not bring it up in the beginning? It's almost like the stereotypical thought of a woman getting with a man and then trying to change them to fit their lifestyle better.

Which leads me to my next thought-The more I hear about and have experiences with men and relationships, the more I feel like Men are essentially Women....with a penis. Haha. But seriously-For all the hype and BS about women being over emotional, impractical, needy, whiny, etc-Men seem to be just as bad, even worse. Unless it's just a recent occurrence and the men of this generation are turning into sissies. Not that men shouldn't possess a sensitive side, but there's a point when it's time to stop crying and go plow a field or race a motorcycle or something. And what about the fact that more and more men are staying at home and women are becoming the main breadwinners of the household. This wouldn't be a problem, except for the most part it's because the men are lazy/scum/losers who could work but won't get a job. Very distasteful.

And speaking of distasteful, there is this loser/scum/mank who is in the store right now.Ugh. "I wanna get a job here girl, I'll come to work wit you" Yeah...right.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

The Throes of Summer

As I was walking across my uncle's yard today, I realized that summer is finally here. I came to this realization when I started stepping over weeds that haven't been mowed yet.

Summer in Florida means it's too hot to mow your grass. You have to wait until your yard becomes an unbearable jungle and you fear for your life from snakes and salamanders before you can actually stand the thought of taking the lawnmower for a spin-Because no matter what, you're going to end up going through at least 4 glasses of tea, having a lame-o Farmer's or Tank Top tan and dirt and grass all over your body all the while sliding off the seat because you're sweating out 2/3s of your water weight.

Another wonderful summer treat is the free sauna you get every time you get in your car. Whether it's a ten minute trip into the store or checking the mail, you get a spa like treatment including a hot stone massage for your hands when gripping your steering wheel that has somehow turned from Rubber into HOT MAGMA the moment the AC is turned off.

Don't get me wrong-I enjoy summer. It was the best when we were little kids-All you could think about was swimming. Anything with water was the best. I don't know if any of the hotels around here still let you swim for a fee when you're not staying there. If that had been the case when I was little-there would've been many crying fits and foot stampings. I remember watching my sister and her friends lay out tannning and I would think to myself "How can they do that all day when there's so much beautiful water to play mermaids and marco polo and tag and racing?!!" I don't know exactly when the transition took place but now I lay on my float for hours without even noticing that there's water below me.

Summer also makes me feel nostalgic. I think about nights at my relative's river houses and how much I miss family vacations to the beach. I know I must've got on my siblings nerves when I was little, I wish we could all go on vacation together now so they could actually enjoy my company a little more. Haha. I also think about softball games and fireworks in CK. Just the little things, you know? Sigh.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Might as well face it...

Addicted to Loooove

Ohhh 80s-you gave us some really good music and some really bad music. And I guess that's why we have radio stations that give us the best of you, the 90s & today. Except the today part includes a handful of the most annoying songs of the decade which you decide to play repeatedly until we want to vomit knives(kudos to jessica for that expression, yes I stole it because I love it.)


So the other day while my bro was here visiting, we went to watch Star Trek. Amazing btw, it made me want to watch the old episodes and then go back and watch it again. So I could pick up more things...yeah.... So when we went to order popcorn and drinks, I picked up on the vibe of the cashier trying to upsell items to us. For $.25 more you can get this GInormous vat of popcorn instead of the medium which you won't be able to finish anyhow. And then I ordered a water. He told me for $.50 more I could get a Liter. Immediately Farva raced through my brain shouting "GIVE ME A GD LITER OF COLA" So before I could stop myself I erupted with LITER COLA! BAHAHAHHAHAHA Do you have Liter Cola, what's a liter cola?? Unfortunately, I don't think the dude had ever seen Super Troopers, which Puh, Shame on him. I think my brother got it....maybe.

In other news-

Fonnie has discovered her reflection and! The other night she barked and growled at the glass on my entertainment center for a good 15 minutes. I would've stopped her but every time she growled she sounded more and more like the Cowardly Lion off the Wizard of Oz. It was way too entertaining to interrupt. "If iiii were the KHiinng of the Forrrresst!"

Has anyone seen the latest pic of Adam Lambert? What is up with the guy always thinking he's fat? Every time I read anything on him, he's made a comment about his weight. He's super cute and just got on the cover of Rolling Stone but this pic I saw of him on Yahoo? Looks like plastic. Very very Mannequin-esque. Still cute though. Never watched AI so I have no idea what he sounds like. And I didn't know they had to be all hush hush on AI about their sexuality...of course, clay aiken held it in for quite awhile after...but c'mon.

That's all for now...Oh go to Yahoo and click on Entertainment for the pic I'm talkin' about. Too lazy to post it.